Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Short Review of 'Aishwarya' - the Kannada flick

"One, Two, Three, Four", I remember my physical training teacher count, as we moved our limbs in straight lines in different directions, in my primary school. I never had understood the logic behind doing these exercises in the uncomfortable school uniform. In addition to the fact that the PT period was the last period of the school, the venue was always the dusty school ground.
Weren't we supposed to exercise in a refreshing place, early in the morning???

It was nostalgic for me to see the same sort of exercises being performed by Deepika Padukone, in the various songs. Rigid limbs accustomed to walking on the ramp were made to pierce air in all directions. She wore the mini skirts in some sequences that had the model's frail legs doing the gawky steps. The 20-year-old damsel wore miniscule tops in some sequences, which established that she had not consumed fatty foods since she was born.
Ok,ok...jokes apart, she was very honest in her approach. She knew for sure that she could not act, and she never attempted to do the same in the whole of the movie. I am sure that Inderjeet (director of the movie) could have substituted her with a cardboard cut out of her picture, and we would never have noticed the difference.









And yes, she is a gorgeous woman.









What happens when the Puneet Issar (Duryodhan of Mahabharath fame) would act the role of Hritik Roshan, in the remake of Kaho Na Pyaar Hain?
Don't try to imagine that. You get to see the same stuff in Uppi's role as Abhishek Hegde in this movie.
He refuses to admit that he cannot carry off a role, which demands soft approach, and rudely, tries to barge into the Sudeep's territory. This character has been manhandled by Uppi (believe me, I still adore his Om, A and Upendra), as he tries in vain to smile like a lover boy. The smile resembles more like that of a serial killer, grinning at his latest victim.
But, I must admit that Inderjeet has been greatly successful in taming the Uppi in Uppi, and forcing him into giving a subdued performance (by Uppi's standards), thankfully not needing the carrying of Amrutanjan to the theatre.
The hulk has a sculpted body, and he tries to show them off even in the formal attires that he wears to the meetings in Europe, in the form of top three shirt buttons undone. I wonder if the Europeans in his board meetings appreciated the liberal show of cleavage by this huge male.





Finally, there is the breather. The refreshing, and good-looking Daisy Bopanna does a marvelous job. Though not a seasoned actress, she is not expected to carry out great performances. She is supposed to act bubbly, energetic, and full of spirits. She does that to a T, and has all the frontbenchers, and the frontbencher hearts of those in the balcony jump up with joy. She is glamorous, and she shows it off. She has a charming smile, and flashes it liberally. She has a great physique, and wears nice clothes....sometimes sweet and sometimes hot. She does not beat Madhuri at the dancing floor, but who cares? Madhuri is anyway an aunty now.
She dominates the first half, and I definitely wished that she would take over the whole of the movie.

The story is simple. Uppi is the manager of a top advertising company, and hates women. This is because his former lover had ditched him when in time of need. Deepika is appointed as the assistant manager of the company, as the company deals with a lot of stuff that is being used by women, on the likes of lip sticks, face creams, etc. (Yes, it does resemble 'What Women Want' starring Mel Gibson). The resemblance becomes more prominent, when Uppi tries to use a lipstick on his face, experimenting.
Deepika works hard, but all her ideas are stolen and presented by Uppi, who uses a 'tehelka.com' microphone, hidden in Deepika's office.
Deepika finds it tough to work in the office, and wants to resign, but the boss of the company, uncle of Uppi, retains her, and makes her the manager. Uppi is demoted to being the Assistant Manager.
Deepika wonders about Uppi's hatred, and is made aware of his rough past experience by his uncle. She becomes nice towards him.
They go to Europe on an assignment, and Uppi falls in love with Deepika. But, when he proposes to her, he realizes the glitch.
She is already engaged.

The dialogues are crisp, with many one-liners, and gags. The script is inundated with PJs, but timing makes them appear as passable ones at least. All the scenes are rich, vibrantly colored, and the characters are attired in gaudy colored dresses.
Fashion does play a big role, in contrast to other Kannada movies.
Europe locales have been shot gracefully, which are pleasant to watch.
The comic characters make the movie hilarious, with all the scenes focused on getting the audience to laugh.

To summarize, the movie resembles the publicity posters. All glamour, and colours. No real stuff, only time pass.

Have fun this weekend.

Friday, September 08, 2006

an NHS experience

Circa August 1993.......in the 8th Standard E Section...The National High School, Bangalore.....

"This time, I am going to say firmly to ASM, to give our ball back," said Shreyas, the captain of the class basketball of eighth standard, 'E' section. The issue of the balls had been plaguing the team since its inception. There were few balls with the school sports management (management????...err.... could be termed as more of a mismanagement by the orange haired goblin, who considered himself to be the Salman Khan of the school, holding hands of any female who would come closer than 1 metre radius of him). Even the balls which the school had, carried the pet names Baldy ball ( the ball had no grip), Thooth ball ( the ball had holes at unusual places) and Tuss ball (had a bladder similar to that of a 70 yr old's biceps).
And there were the invincible 8C section team who beat us at every game, also managed to politically steal the good balls. The glamourous 8D section team stole the rest of the balls, leaving none for the docile 8E.
But things were going to change. Our 'Chreyas' (Shreyas renamed by ASM) was going to place our claim on atleast one of the balls.

That afternoon, during the games period, the carrot top (coloured hair) hulk came to the class. Shreyas told him that we need a ball permanently, for practising during the lunch breaks, and even after school. We could not go begging for balls everytime we needed to play.
"Do you have a ball now?" ASM asked.
"We have a ball sir, but C section guys would tell your name and take away the ball from us," complained Shreyas, mentally cursing Pradeep ( C section basketball team captain), who was always jumping around in the unwashed banians (yes, he was famous for that....also, there was rumour that he made it to the Limca book of records for not taking bath for the largest number of days).
"OK. I will tell them. They will not take your ball ever," said ASM. "THAT BALL IS CHREYAS. CHREYAS IS THAT BALL," he declared.
Shreyas is that ball??!!!

So, whenever we played basketball, Shreyas (the ball) was being thrown around.

But the actual impact of this declaration did not show up until the drop dead gorgeous female basketball team captain of our class requested our basketball for a practise session, and there..... Shreyas (the ball) was being thrown around by the soft feminine hands.

"Oh! Man. All girls are touching you," said Pummy (Pramod) "Only, if I were the ball instead of you."

Saturday, September 02, 2006

HELP!!

Would a rendezvous with danger for a beautiful lass, change this man's life in one night? Expect the unexpected...




A light jerk woke him up. His eyes fluttered open, but saw nothing. It was silent. And dark. A thin streak of light from a distant bulb of the aisle spread out weakly all over the aisle.

He could only hear the light whirring of the fan.

He shut his eyes tightly, and concentrated to come out of the muzziness.

Slowly, he reopened his eyes.

As his eyes got adjusted, he could see thin streaks of white light penetrating through the shutters of the window. The train must have stopped in some station, he guessed.

He gulped. The throat was dry.

He wanted water, desperately.

He got up. He fished out his water bottle from his bag, in the dim light. It was empty.

He glanced at the other two passengers sleeping peacefully. It would be a crime to disturb their sleep.

Slowly, he wore his shoes silently, and dragged his feet to the aisle, and moved towards the door.

With a violent yank, he opened the non-greased thick handle of the door. A rough pull gave way to a flood of white fluorescent light, from the station’s tube lights.

His hands came up defensively, to shield his strained eyes from the flood of light.

With his eyes getting adjusted to the flood of light, he hobbled onto the platform.

He stretched out his arms. His back muscles creaked.

His body ached due to the hard surface of his berth he had been sleeping on. He scanned the deserted platform for drinking water. It was strange that he could not see any human figure in the whole of the station.

His eyes zeroed on a sink.

As he walked towards the sink, he noticed that the station was not of an important place. The unkempt, unclean floor was an evidence of this. Some dried leaves, some dead insects scattered here and there. He could even see some things lying at a corner, which in his muzziness could be guessed as dead rats. It could easily be guessed that the station had not witnessed fresh paint for decades now.

Suddenly, he heard some voices at a distance. Some male voices. They were shouting.

He thrust his hand over the tap, and twisted the grip to open the tap. It was stuck and refused to budge. He tried with greater effort.

Suddenly, the voices had come near.

He could guess that the voices were just around the corner.

He saw a girl dashing out of the corner, her denim dress drenched in sweat, clutching a bag. Her hair was wet, unkempt, and her face was enveloped with droplets of sweat, as she breathed heavily, running with all the effort she could muster.

But, he noticed that she was exceptionally beautiful.

Suddenly, her eyes noticed him.

Her pace decreased, as she neared him.

Her eyes screamed of the trouble that was following her.

She was almost near him, now. She almost stopped. Her eyes stared at him for any sign of help.

He was puzzled.

Suddenly, his eyes fell on the hefty men in sleazy clothes who were following her, who had just emerged out of the corner.

With a reflex the girl turned back, a look at the men, and she dashed ahead, having lost all hopes of help from a stranger.

Before the sequence of incidents could enter his comprehension, the train jerked. It would move any second now. He had to dash get into the train.



But, would it be alright to leave a helpless girl behind.

He turned back to the girl.

She was almost at the gates of the station, followed by the four men.

He looked at the train. It had begun to pick up speed. His entire luggages lie there. If he could run fast, he could still make it to the train.

But, what would happen to the girl?!! Raped? Murdered?

Suddenly, he felt something for the girl. It certainly wasn’t love, but yes, he would be lying if he did not accept that he had felt attracted towards the girl. She was gorgeous.

Damsel in distress!!!

He would be a fool not to help her out.

Of what use would his built body be, if not for a good cause like this.

He shot out towards the gates.



As he came to the gates, he could see the four men running, following the damsel, sprinting towards the fields. In the darkness, he could make out the human figures vaguely, in the station’s lights. He turned to the station guard outside, sleeping soundly.

Should he wake him up?

There was no time.

Every second, the damsel was in more danger.

He shot ahead, to take on the four men single handedly. Anyway, they were not carrying any weapons.



In half a minute, he was running behind the hefty guy who was the trailing of the four.

“Catch the bitch!” the man was heard screaming.

Suddenly, the man received a kick on his buttocks, jolting him forward. Waving all over for support, the man crashed to the ground with a scream.

The other three stopped in their tracks, turned back.

The young man had stern eyes boring into the eyes of the rogues.

Before they could realize, the young man lashed out his hand on another man’s face.

A fainted scream was heard, which followed a splash of red from his mouth.

The man collapsed, clutching his mouth.

The other two rushed at him together.

A vicious kick from trained legs, at a rogue’s groin, and a fist at another’s Adam’s apple.

The men reeled backwards, clutching their organs, which had been punished.

Everything was over?!!

The first man was getting up, preparing himself to take on the young man.

But before he could see anything, he saw the young man’s boots rushing at his temple. Next, he saw black. Deep, dark, black.

Everything was definitely over.



The young man looked at the girl. She stood motionless, gaping at the valiant act of the young man. Her breasts heaved heavily due to the deep breaths she was taking.

Unmistakably innocent eyes, wide open in wonder.

“Are you okay?” he enquired.

She looked at him.

“How did you do that?” she uttered, amidst the heavy breaths.

He smiled, chivalrous.

Slowly, he moved towards her.

“Are you okay?” he enquired again.

He noticed that she was drenched in sweat. He fished out his handkerchief, and held it to her.

“Thanks,” she uttered, and took the kerchief. Her lips had begun to smile, when she placed his kerchief over her cheeks, and then her lips.

Though there was no light but the moonlight, she was glowing.

She was a perfect piece of art. The slender, fair fingers emerged out of the fair hands, covered by the sleeves.

His kerchief was so lucky, he thought.

Even if he could not get the girl, he would definitely preserve the kerchief in a safe, he decided.

Suddenly, she stopped.

She looked at his eyes. He could guess that a feeling of gratitude had swept her over.

“You saved my life,” she uttered, as tears swelled up her eyes. “You are a great person,” she said.

Though he felt ecstatic, he just smiled.

“You risked your life….for me….”her head bent down, as her voice weakened. She began to sob silently, the back of her hand held against her eyes.

“No, look. I am no great person, I just felt it was my duty to help you,” he placed his hand over her shoulder.

She looked up to him. Her eyes were drenched in tears. The innocent deer-like eyes required protection. The glistened eyes had a faint sparkle of the distant moon. He wanted to hold her, to embrace her, to comfort her.

He could guess that she had been brought up in a very protective ambience. The experience had left her shaken.

“Now, don’t worry. It is all over,” he gave a comforting smile.

Slowly, she wiped her eyes with her shirt’s cuffs.

“I was coming back from tuitions….” she began.

“Don’t speak now, relax,” he uttered softly.

As he led her through the narrow path, through a farm, her breaths became lighter, and her sobs simmered down.

“Where is your house?” he asked.

“A kilometer from here,” she said.

“Why you are here?” he asked, deciding to know more about this angel, who would become the turning point of his miserable life.

“I am in my final year B.Com,” she said, “I was returning from tuitions, when these guys started following me.”

“A girl of your looks should not be walking alone,” he said.

“No, no. I never walk alone. Today, my friends had failed to come. Today, just today, I was left alone,” she said, slowly moving in the darkness, with only the moonlight to guide them.

Suddenly, she realized that he had complimented her.

“And thanks,” she uttered, with a light laugh.

He smiled to himself.

He knew he had established a good rapport with her, the instant he had floored the goons for her. Now, he was establishing that he would make a good husband.

“I think you missed your train for me,” she said.

“I will find another one,” he uttered.

“But your luggage?” she asked.

This girl was really caring.

“Do not worry about it,” he said.

“You have already said this twice. You are very protective,” she said.

He felt elated.

“Just like my father,” she said.

He felt warm.

“Would you accompany me to my house?” she asked, a trifle skeptical.

“Did you think otherwise?” he asked.

She became silent.

“Thanks,” she uttered meekly.

A few minutes of walking silently, had developed a strange bond between them. The young man felt increasingly drawn towards her innocence. He did not know whether she was feeling the same towards him. But, he was definitely sure that she must have been thinking about him now. It was such a wonderful experience that such a piece of art was thinking about him. He felt excited imagining that he was expecting the girl to think about him for the whole of her life.

Would it be possible?!

Why would not it be possible?

“Are you sure this is the way to your house?” he asked, suddenly realizing that it was getting darker, and darker, as the trees were getting denser.

“Oh!” she uttered, “I will switch on the torch,” she understood his concern, and moved quickly to a brighter place. She zipped opened her bag, and rummaged the insides for her torch. Suddenly, she fished it out.

A glimmer of light reflected from the torch made him guess that the torch was of a non-lustrous metal.

It could not be a torch!!!

It was a gun.

She turned back to him, the muzzle of the gun pointed at him.

Confused and shocked, the young man stared at the girl.

“Okay, smart guy,” she said, “you can give me your wallet,” she held the gun pointed at him. Her voice had suddenly seemed ruthless.

“What the…”

“Shut up, and take it out. No smart moves, else I will blow you off,” she said, her tone was highly professional.

“The guys were following me because I had shot one of them trying to catch me stealing the jewellery of the village’s temple. Don’t let the same thing happen to you,” she said.

He pulled out his wallet.

“And take out your watch. Is it RADO?” she said.

She had guessed it right.

She was a pro. He felt like a fool, being attracted to her non-existent innocence.

He removed his watch.

“Your chain is beautiful. It will fetch a good sum,” she smiled.

He bit his lip.

He stared at her eyes.

No trace of the innocence there.

It was as cold as ice’s.

A murderer? She could have managed, he decided.

She was ruthless. The chain was a very expensive one. It could be worth lakhs.

How could something be so beautiful and yet so cruel?

He removed his chain and held it out to her with his wallet, and the watch.

“Keep it on the ground and back off,” she said, brandishing the muzzle at him.

Did he have a choice? No amounts of stunts were useful in front of the gun.

He bent down, placed the things on the ground, and backed off.

He felt shattered. He felt angry. He felt like a fool.

He had risked his life to beat up a couple of good people. To save this crook!!!

Fate! He never believed it till date. He had to get up at the middle of the night, he had to be thirsty, he had to chase the goons for her, and finally he had to be left in the jungles, with no money, at night, without knowing the way back.

Slowly, he could see her move towards his things.

As she bent down to pick them up, a thought struck him.

‘Why would she be running from the guys, if she had a gun with her?

She was running because the gun was not loaded. It would be empty’.

Suddenly, he pounced on her, reaching out for the gun.

But, he realized that the girl was prepared when he received a vicious kick at his groin. He winced in pain, and held his hands cupping his groin.

Suddenly, he saw a broken branch of a tree fast approaching him, the girl swinging it at him. He felt it hit somewhere near the neck, and before he could remember which part of the body it was, he saw black.

He collapsed like a heap of flesh.

She kicked him again, to make sure he was out cold. She picked up his things and thrust it into her bag. Then, she whisked him for anything worthwhile.

An expensive bracelet was found.

She smiled to herself, as she pulled it free from his hand, and thrust it into her bag.

Slowly, she walked away into the dark wilderness.






A thick cloud of smoke escaped from her lips, as she exhaled. Again, she stuck the cigarette between her lips, and drew the smoke.

It was a cold morning, and she was seated on a kerb, dressed in the same old denims. It had taken her a long walk to the town, to come out of the wilderness she had floored the young man. She had hardly slept the previous night

She exhaled again, eyes shut, concentrating on the ecstatic pleasure the piece of tobacco was imparting.

A glance at her wrist watch, and she realized that the store across the street would open any moment.

She was musing about the incidents of the previous evening. The next time she must be very careful when invading a temple, she thought. It had taken whole month, for her to get friendly with the villagers, then with the temple authorities, later joining as one of the volunteers. Finally, the eventful night had arrived with the chief priest along with few other priests departing to Varanasi to participate in a congregation.

But, few men residing near the temple had observed her, and had chased her. But, the love struck young man had been an unexpected boon to her.

A chortle escaped her lips, recollecting the expression of the young man, when she had pointed her gun at him.

Just then, her eyes fell on the obese man in silky kurta with two boys arrive at the shop across the street. The boys unlocked the shutters, and pulled it up to unveil a jewellery shop. The obese man, obviously the owner, trudged in, to seat himself behind the cash counter.

The girl got up.

‘Time for action’, she told herself.

She threw her cigarette, crushed it with her shoes, and crossed the street at a brisk pace.

There was no time to lose. She had to get rid of the necklace and the bracelet of the young man before he would reach a police station. She required money to travel as far as possible, and then try to dispose off the jewellery of the temple.



“Good morning, sethji,” said the girl.

The owner gave a broad smile, displaying all his yellowed teeth. But, the smile had a charm, an I-like-you feel, which the owner knew would make an impact on the customers.

“Sethji, I am in urgent need of money,” she said, noticing that the expression on his face was changing.

“Here is something I want to mortgage,” she said, pulling out the expensive chain, and the bracelet she had obtained from her admirer the previous night.

The owner took the chain, and the bracelet. He observed it for a while. She could witness his experienced eyes pierce through each and every corners of the jewellery.

“This is very expensive,” he uttered, in a tone of finality, his eyes still fixed on the exotic piece of jewellery.

“How much can you give?” she asked. Anything was a profit for her. She had hardly planned this bonus. She wanted something, and fast.

“My son is good at diamonds. He will be coming here any moment, now,” he said, and called one of the boys.

“Go and get Anil,” the owner ordered the boy.

The girl began looking at all the other jewellery, which she would never be able to wear. If she could seduce the owner, maybe he would part with some of those.

Or, maybe she would seduce the owner’s son.

Few minutes later, a police inspector, along with two constables arrived at the shop. They arrested the girl on charge of stealing a chain. The chain she was trying to sell had been stolen from the same shop, by a guy.



Few days later, the villagers of the nearby village, were very happy to see the jewellery of the temple being restored back by the police.